Time Track

It was Sunday and I over slept in a desperate attempt to waste time and lose my day, just to wake up and find out that it’s still today.

But it’s already too late to do anything with what’s left of it and my body aches all over.

The Realisation

Form quite a few time i believed that i was an atheist as i didn't believe in concept of god. I did tell this to my family. my mother tried to convince me that there exists a god who is supreme. but i refused to believe, I needed the proof evidence at least proper reasons which would satisfy me and there was none. It was quite discouraging, I tried to seek answers by relating theories and patterns, some could be related some couldn't.
I always believed that we humans are capable of being ethical and moral without religion, or God. and we are capable of understanding what is right from wrong.
My sister has another belief that there are 2 ways of looking at god. One who believes in 'nirakar' rupa and one who believes in 'aakar' rupa. Nirakar is formless, shapeless and Aakaar is form, which has appearance.
Some preferred a formless God while some believed that He is with form.
For most of us we need some idol whom we can see, touch, sense, pray and visualize, we need a god with face, we creates statue and gives them appearance. we made god a physical being. but we should not forget that god is superpower which is infinite, it might be observed as eternal energy. It has no shape no taste no smell but we can observe it with purity of our mind.

Imba sadness

I feel sad .. suddenly out of no where, i wanna cry hard and keep crying till my tears dry out.
extreme sadness that i can’t explain. i think i’m sick or some freak.
seriously .. that can’t be normal !

SADNESS, I thought a lot about the reasons why I’m always sad and i came up with those:
I have some very big targets in my life and i do not know how to achieve them.
I do not know what i want or what i should be doing.
I do not like my studying area ,although it’s not bad and has a great future, but i just don’t like it.
I completely lost all my old plans for future and can't come up with new stuff.
No female presence, yes that’s right. I don’t have a girlfriend and never had.
why?
simply because I have this thing about not being able to do useless stuff...
stuff that i can see clearly that won’t work due to practical reasons and will cause a huge amount of pain in the end.
Also I think that human emotions are something very dangerous to play with or take lightly.
yet again how do I know that if I’ve never tried ? this also causing me a really bad case of loneliness that I’m unable to escape.
Low self-confidence
My self-confidence is slightly shaken by past experiences and I have no idea how to restore it.
other than those stuff my life is almost perfect, I’ve no BIG BIG problems… nothing
yes … nothing …
Nothing is the problem itself .. a huge pile of nothing in both my heart and mind .